Digging Down Deep
I had gone to church faithfully…. People looked up to me, gave me responsibility and talked about me as a “faithful Christian.” Yet there was something missing from my life. I knew that after the meetings ended, my heart was still empty and cold.
Drawing by Jimmy Lee
The key problem at that time was this: I had not laid a foundation with the Lord; I did not really know Him. I filled my life with activities, things I thought a good Christian should do. Whenever my heart still felt empty, I filled that longing with spiritual “experiences,” emotions, and anything that would make me feel like a Christian. But whenever temptations or hard times came by, I could never trust God to help me the way He promises in the Bible.
Digging Down Deep
Over a mess of gyros, Chinese food and subs, the middle-aged man across from me began to tell me how “something” had led him to this place. When some of the members of our youth group began to talk to him about Jesus, he understood Who had led him there. He prayed for one of the first times in his life and accepted the Lord Jesus into his heart.
His name has faded from my memory, but I can still remember the joy beaming from the wrinkles in his face. In my own heart, however, I felt depressed. Watching the Lord’s peace settle on this man did not make me leap for joy or praise god; I simply thought, “Where is this joy in my life?”
Before that day, ever since I took my first steps towards Jesus at a retreat in seventh grade, I had gone to church faithfully. I attended Friday night meetings, played the piano in the youth group band, went to every retreat our church offered, and even went on evangelistic outreaches. I was a youth group leader.
People looked up to me, gave me responsibility and talked about me as a “faithful Christian.” Yet there was something missing from my life. During those years, I knew that after the meetings ended, my heart was still empty and cold.
The key problem at that time was this: I had not laid a foundation with the Lord; I did not really know Him. I filled my life with activities, things I thought a good Christian should do. Whenever my heart still felt empty, I filled that longing with spiritual “experiences,” emotions, and anything that would make me feel like a Christian. But whenever temptations or hard times came by, I could never trust God to help me the way He promises in the Bible. I could not stand faithfully because I did not know the only One who is able to make me stand firm. I was like a seed in Jesus’ parable: “Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away” (Luke 8:13). I did not yet have the root, the foundation, of a life-giving relationship with the Lord.
After that day in the mall, I played at being a Christian before my peers for about a year until I could stand it no longer. I had duped many into believing that I was faithful and even led people to Christ, but I would jealously watch my converts experience a joy and peace of knowing the Lord that I did not have. I knew my heart was not right and that I finally had to come before Him.
When I did come, I came alone. The first thing I realized was a fact stated in Hebrews 4:13: “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”
“You mean He knows everything about me?”
Yes, everything! He knew all the falseness in my heart, all the lies and emptiness. And yet the Lord touched me as he showed me my empty, sinful heart; He said, “I love you and will forgive your past if you will just come to Me. I want to give you abundant life and victory over sin, but you must come to Me and lay down your life. Once you are in My hands, nothing can separate us, and I will never let you go.” It was a wonderful and difficult lesson to learn. It also marked the true beginnings of my life with the Lord. After five years of “being a Christian,” I had finally become a child of God.
Thereafter, my experience in reading the Bible changed. It became a way to get to know this Man who loved me so much. And prayer became an exciting way to talk to the Lord and meet with Him. His Word became alive, piercing through many difficult situations in my life. I began to want to give more of my life to God and to dig down deep to find that Bedrock that is Christ. I wanted to know Him, and in doing so, I began to lay a foundation for my life.
During my high school years, God sent many wise, biblical teachers who gave me a lot of knowledge about God. For a long time I wanted to be like them, even more than to be like the Lord Himself. Whenever I prayed, I thought out carefully what I was going to say in order to impress these ministers and myself. I tried to speak like them and memorized sermons and verses and information about the Bible; but these were all facts about Christianity—about God. In my heart, I truly did not know Him. I thought that I was getting to know the Lord, but I did not realize that on the judgment day, it will not be those who know about God, or prophesy, or even cast out demons in His Name who will stand. Jesus said that only those who know Him will remain forever. To the rest, he will state plainly, “I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!” (Matthew 7:23).
In Luke 6:46-49, Jesus tells the parable of the wise and foolish builders. He says, “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck the house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”
Now I am not saying that attending church or going to evangelistic outreaches is wrong, but it is essential that everything we do is built on the basic foundation of knowing Jesus. Without that foundation, everything we do will be like the house in Jesus’ parable that is built upon the sand. “Unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1).
“Unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain.”
Psalm 127:1
But if we build properly, first laying a foundation of love and faith in Christ, the things we do will no longer be Christian activities, but life-giving labor for the kingdom of God.
It takes time to walk with the Lord, to get to know His ways and to understand His Word. It is a day by day process of surrendering, focusing on the Lord, trusting Him and feeding on the manna He gives. And all along the way Jesus is there for us. He will show us the way, but we have to come to Him and seek His face. Whatever joy you have to share, He wants to hear about it from you. Whatever problem you have, He can fix it. His blood covers all sin. Do not miss the King’s invitation because of Christian show and business. We cannot forever rely on our teachers, for every person will have to give account before the Lord, alone. We must remain faithful and become mature men and women of God, declaring His praises and living for Him.
Of course, there are times when it is hard. Satan will do anything to stop a child of God from discovering the rich gold mine he or she is standing on. He can even distract us with this Christian activity or that retreat—anything that will prevent us from realizing how wonderful this personal relationship is. And that was it! I finally realized that Christianity is not a religion or an assortment of activities, but a loving, personal relationship with the Living God.
Dave Cho, Berkeley ’95