Light

By Gina Shay

Light
how oft forsaken!

Summer’s blazing heat
invigorates
but the frailty of my human condition,
the slightness of my covering,
leads me to crave shade,
a cool respite from the intense heat
of bright light

Winter’s blowing iciness
consumes
and the frailty of my human condition,
the need for life-sustaining warmth,
drives me to search for
rays of sunlight—
warm beams pouring through windows
since until the season passes
the outside chill saps the heat
of distant light
unenclosed in buildings

Were my body indestructible
I could live amidst unbridled light
and untempered heat;
for this I long

Yet I know I am physically destructible
my spirit yet encased in human flesh

My being is made fragile
by the sin which taints the human state

My spirit rejoices in the light of truth
but for a while
and then tumbles to the shade
for release from glorious illumination

There the embracing warmth of joy is cooled
but the flame never extinguished—
a pilot light deep within my soul
it is subdued
but never smothered
though its full fire becomes,
for a time, unimaginable

Shade sometimes knows no bounds—
like the desolate gray which storm clouds create

For a time, the cool is comforting
It appeals to the flesh
It is praised by the Prince of Darkness

Soon I realize the shade settles not for coolness,
but relentlessly saps my warmth—
the joy of the light in which I formerly basked

Could I but step out from beneath the tree,
or outrun the movement of this cloud
I could again see clearly and feel intense Sunlight

The colder I grow,
the more difficult that first step toward the Shining One
My shivering self fears that maybe no light exists beyond the dimness

Instincts sown by Darkness suggest immobility
a ball—derive warmth from myself;
I think I can

But I cannot

The darkness envelopes me
I strain to find the horizon of the shade

The night passes slowly–
I wonder why.
Black space is no company

I am blinded, chilled, and seemingly alone

I lift my eyes to the Source of Truth and pray for light—

for rescue from the depths of darkness
into which I so recklessly tumbled,
and by which I am now so completely engulfed

Save me! I cry. Barely able to imagine former joy
but remembering the vision light enables
and the warmth of glowing brightness

I beg to see,
knowing I am seen

I beg to be cleansed by probing light—
to be awakened
and renewed

My body is no company
but the host of my soul leaves me not
My body exists not, but my soul yet thirsts for light

How insignificant are bodily needs
when survival of the soul is at stake
I pray that my soul be preserved

In complete surrender I close my eyes
no longer searching in the dark, but seeking other refuge

Perfect rest follows surrender

Sunlight pries open my eyelids and
laps against the windows of my world
It penetrates my skin
warming the marrow of my bones
as it surges through indigo vessels
replenishing life in every organ and extremity,
brightening all remembrance,
and purifying every thought

My spirit is revived
Darkness has been eluded—
but only by merciful grace

Singing choruses of praise
I flee the despair of darkness carelessly enjoined
and plead for endurance of the energy which warms me
once again

I run toward the Light

(Romans 7:15-25)

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

Romans 7:15-25